Somebody please give me the keys…

Behold the new boss of the world!

Because if I were boss of the world, I would:

1) Outlaw tobacco companies, and train all their employees to work for new, innovative companies that promote smoking cessation and preventive health facilities.  Don’t worry, they would all still have jobs: the CEOs could clean the bathrooms.

2) Invent something that would make texting (and talking non-hands-free on a cell phone) impossible while driving.  Maybe it would involve an electronic force field that makes cars immune to the technology.  I might make something where people could speak text messages, but we’ll see.

3) Invent something that would disallow anyone from using cell phones or text messages until they were mature enough to understand that the person you are sitting with LIVE is more important than whoever just sent you the following zeros and ones: “sup?”

4) Manufacture bikes, good walking shoes, and gardens that could feed towns and make things all pretty and easy and better for the planet.  I’d get everyone some new comfy shoes, like Kevin Klein’s character did in “The Big Chill.”  Happy boxes.

Like Nick Cave (Grinderman) said in the fabulous ditty called “Get It On”:

“I’ve got some words of wisdom!”

Oh yeah, I’ve got lots more where those came from.

Where are my keys?

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4 responses to “Somebody please give me the keys…

  1. I’d hire you! (love the hat)…but can I add a few things to your to-do list?
    – Hold parents responsible for not feeding kids Happy Meals, et al, everyday instead of invoking yet another law
    – Replace televisions in schools (including universities!) with more good books, and time to read them
    – Invoke a technology black-out to encourage people to get outside without gadgets and maybe actually meet their ‘friends’ in person

    I’m sure there are more, but we’ll talk after you’re hired…

  2. Cyndi, I will steal your list and give you credit. I thought of something else:

    – Take low risk births (=most births) out of hospitals, and have health insurance coverage include doula services.

    When’s my interview, and what do I wear?????

  3. I like the doula thing!

    Definitely wear the hat ;-)

  4. Sock monkey hat=Official headgear of your new boss of the world. I like that.

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